Customer: " My mouse will not Click any icons or open any menus."
Tech Support: "Will the mouse move up and down and side to side?"
Customer: " Yes "
Tech Support: " The mouse button must be bad, I'll bring you a mouse."
When the Tech arrived and tries the mouse, it does not move on the screen at all. Looking at the back of the computer to find it unplugged, and said" You said the mouse moved "
Customer: "Yes, it does." puts their hand on the mouse and moved it to side to side on the mouse pad.
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"My hard disk won't boot." I suggest they take the floppy out of drive A:. Later when I arrive, they have successfully removed the floppy drive from the machine (with the floppy disk still inside).
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A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: " Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: "Only if you want to see it."
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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
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Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"
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Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support: "Well then we can't-"
Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You
need to-"
Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have
to try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now
because you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."
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Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer:" Pentium."
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready ?